When i grew up my father and i had a better relationship. I was married to a much older man and had four step-children who were not much younger than i was.This caused me many problems and the first year of my marriage was fraught, to say the least. Dad was always there to listen to my woes and gave me a lot of valuable advice, not always what i wanted to hear! I had my two sons and i felt closer to my dad at this time than i ever had done. He was the best grandfather you could ask for. When my sister's beautiful baby girl died we were all devastated and i'll never forget when dad came to my house to tell me what had happened. He looked terrible and couldn't stop crying. I hadn't often seen him cry and it affected me deeply. I don't think he was ever the same after that.
Dad has his first heart attack when my daughter, Emily, was only a few months old. My sister-in-law, Val ,and i both had new babies and we spent a lot of time at the hospital,feeding them in the toilets! I think our children thought it was normal for grandads to be in hospital and for us to be visiting day after day.We were so happy when he was allowed home. Our happiness was short-lived , for the first night at home he had a stroke and had to go back to hospital, where he remained for many months.He changed after his stroke; his brain was damaged,he had lost his speech and was paralised down one side.It took a long time and an enormous amount of hard work before he was allowed home. It was particularly difficult for my mother, at this time. She had lost the man she had been married to for all those years and in his place was a man-child who needed 24 hour care and who gave barely anything in return.
Of course he couldn't help it, he hadn't asked to be struck down at 47 yeas of age, and sometimes when you looked in his eyes you could see the bewilderment he felt at his predicament. He was very child-like and would have temper tantrums when he became frustrated at not being able to do something.He would often wave his walking stickabout in anger, and woe betides anyone in the way!But, he was also funny in a child-like way and would tell silly jokes that the small ganchildren found extremely funny. They accepted grandad as he was, after all they couldn't remember him any other way, and they loved him. I felt angry at what had happened to my dad and sad that, just as we were becoming closer, he was snatched away from me.
I moved with my family to the north-east and not long after mum and dad followed. They lived in a bungalow about a quarter of a mile away from me so my husband and i helped out as much as we could and, once again i felt close to my dad.They didn't stay long in the north as they missed their family and friends from their church in Sittingbourne and decided to go back.Dad had turned to religion soon after he had his stroke and the church and the people of St Mary's parish were a source of great comfort to both he and my mum. Dad loved to join in with the singing and especially enjoyed getting dressed up for carnivals or fetes. I have lovely photos of him, my children and my brother's children dressed as Irish pixies!
Dad died when he was 53. Although he had been ill for a long time it was a huge shock for us all.He was in hospital but we thought it was just his normal,checks on blood,drugs ect. I was devastated to receive a phone call from my sister in law to tell me he had died and so sad that I hadn't been able to see him before he died. It took me a long time to come to terms with his death and for a while i didn't deal with it at all, pushing it to the back of my mind. It was years before i actually grieved properly.
Today i often think of my dad. I wonder what he would think of all his grown-up grand-children, especially those he didn't get to see. I wonder how he would feel about having a great grand-daughter. I think he would be very proud of them all.Not many of them remember him very clearly and some not at all. My sister decided to write down her memories of dad to enable them to get to know him and asked me to do the same. It has been a pleasurable experience for me and brought back many happy memories. I hope it helps to fill the gaps for those who didn't know him.
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Memories of being "Young"
My father was only nineteen when i was born. I don't think he had planned to become a dad at such an early age but i arrived and he had to make the best of it. My brother arrived 22 months later, followed by my sister when i was four,and I don't really have any memories of my dad until my sister came along. The first memory i have is of a holiday on the Isle of Wight. I think i was about five, Malcolm three and Julie a small baby. I remember we stayed in a caravan and the weather was absolutely awful. It poured every day and we couldn't go out. It must have been a nightmare for our poor parents, three small children in a tin box , and nothing to do.Then dad decided to go out for a while and came back bearing gifts, a toy for each of us! I can still remember the jack-in-the-box that he bought me,vividly.
Dad worked for British Rail, first as a shunter, and then as a guard. We travelled everwhere by train and to this day i really love going somewhere on the train. When i was at secondary school i travelled to school by train. I was so proud when dad was the guard as he allowed me to sit in the guards van with him and ring the bell that told the driver it was safe to go. My friends thought this was cool!
At Christmas we used to go to my Granmothers, Nan Young, for Boxing day. This would be a huge family gathering , lots of aunties and uncles and many cousins. There was a lot of food consumed, dozens of presents opened and great fun had by all. We slept over and often had to share one bed between three, or four children. The next day we went home on the train, which involved going from Surrey to Victoria and then catching another train down to Kent . My brother, Malc, would always fall asleep during the journey and dad would try to wake him up just before our stop. It was impossible: Dad would stand him up, put his coat and hat on, pick him up and carry him home , where he would be undressed and put to bed.Through all of this he remained asleep! He reminded me of the doormouse in Alice in Wonderland!
My memories of family holidays are both good and bad. Dad built the most amazing sand boats for us. They were huge and we could all sit in them and pretend that the tide would come in and we would soon be bobbing up and down on the waves. He also liked to bury us in the sand , often up to our necks! I once lost my silver bracelet in Devon during one of these "burials".
I had been buried up to my neck and when dad dug us out the bracelet had gone. We spent ages digging around in the area but to no avail, it had vanished! I remember feeling very cross with dad as i'd had it since i was a baby. Dad tried to cheer me up by taking us for lunch but believe me , in our family, this was no picnic. We would set off to look for a cafe, or a fish and chip shop. Dad would find one and we would be about to go in when mum would shake her head and say it was filthy, we weren't eating there. Then mum would find one and dad would say he wasn't paying those prices! And so it would go on and on and on..... Often we children would be starving and tearful by the time we found somewhere that met the criteria demanded by both parents.We laugh about it now, but i remember how the smell of chips would make my stomach rumble and i would be cursing my parents under my breath!
I don't think i had a great relationship with dad when i was younger. He was so young when i was born, really just a boy. I was jealous of his relationship with my younger sister, Julie. Looking back i feel that by the time she came along he had learned how to be a dad and she benefitted from it. She looks like him and has dark curly hair and big brown eyes. She used to turn those puppy dog eyes on him and he'd be lost. He was always picking her up and swinging her and i have strong memories of them laughing together. I used to wish he would be like that with me. We did have some fun times though. I remember going to the social club at weekends .We would run riot with our friends while dad and the other railway men played cricket.My dad wasn't sporty but he would join in the game and sometimes even made some runs! Then, we would all go back to the club for tea and in the evening there would be music, dancing and a bar! Dad would often have a little too much to drink and, much to the embarassment of his kids, perform his party piece- a striptease!! Luckily he stopped short of nudity.
Dad was a fantastic grandad. He loved all his grandchildren and used to rough and tumble with them or tell them silly jokes. When he and mum decided to move to Surrey to look after his mum and dad we missed them but tried to visit often and we had plenty of family get togethers, including holidays. The sandboats were built for the grandchildren, who loved them as much as we had. Christmas was fun too. The pile of presents for my children almost concealed the christmas tree. Mum and dad would come round with armfuls of parcels and put them under the tree and then watch happily as they were opened with squeals of delight.
Dad worked for British Rail, first as a shunter, and then as a guard. We travelled everwhere by train and to this day i really love going somewhere on the train. When i was at secondary school i travelled to school by train. I was so proud when dad was the guard as he allowed me to sit in the guards van with him and ring the bell that told the driver it was safe to go. My friends thought this was cool!
At Christmas we used to go to my Granmothers, Nan Young, for Boxing day. This would be a huge family gathering , lots of aunties and uncles and many cousins. There was a lot of food consumed, dozens of presents opened and great fun had by all. We slept over and often had to share one bed between three, or four children. The next day we went home on the train, which involved going from Surrey to Victoria and then catching another train down to Kent . My brother, Malc, would always fall asleep during the journey and dad would try to wake him up just before our stop. It was impossible: Dad would stand him up, put his coat and hat on, pick him up and carry him home , where he would be undressed and put to bed.Through all of this he remained asleep! He reminded me of the doormouse in Alice in Wonderland!
My memories of family holidays are both good and bad. Dad built the most amazing sand boats for us. They were huge and we could all sit in them and pretend that the tide would come in and we would soon be bobbing up and down on the waves. He also liked to bury us in the sand , often up to our necks! I once lost my silver bracelet in Devon during one of these "burials".
I had been buried up to my neck and when dad dug us out the bracelet had gone. We spent ages digging around in the area but to no avail, it had vanished! I remember feeling very cross with dad as i'd had it since i was a baby. Dad tried to cheer me up by taking us for lunch but believe me , in our family, this was no picnic. We would set off to look for a cafe, or a fish and chip shop. Dad would find one and we would be about to go in when mum would shake her head and say it was filthy, we weren't eating there. Then mum would find one and dad would say he wasn't paying those prices! And so it would go on and on and on..... Often we children would be starving and tearful by the time we found somewhere that met the criteria demanded by both parents.We laugh about it now, but i remember how the smell of chips would make my stomach rumble and i would be cursing my parents under my breath!
I don't think i had a great relationship with dad when i was younger. He was so young when i was born, really just a boy. I was jealous of his relationship with my younger sister, Julie. Looking back i feel that by the time she came along he had learned how to be a dad and she benefitted from it. She looks like him and has dark curly hair and big brown eyes. She used to turn those puppy dog eyes on him and he'd be lost. He was always picking her up and swinging her and i have strong memories of them laughing together. I used to wish he would be like that with me. We did have some fun times though. I remember going to the social club at weekends .We would run riot with our friends while dad and the other railway men played cricket.My dad wasn't sporty but he would join in the game and sometimes even made some runs! Then, we would all go back to the club for tea and in the evening there would be music, dancing and a bar! Dad would often have a little too much to drink and, much to the embarassment of his kids, perform his party piece- a striptease!! Luckily he stopped short of nudity.
Dad was a fantastic grandad. He loved all his grandchildren and used to rough and tumble with them or tell them silly jokes. When he and mum decided to move to Surrey to look after his mum and dad we missed them but tried to visit often and we had plenty of family get togethers, including holidays. The sandboats were built for the grandchildren, who loved them as much as we had. Christmas was fun too. The pile of presents for my children almost concealed the christmas tree. Mum and dad would come round with armfuls of parcels and put them under the tree and then watch happily as they were opened with squeals of delight.
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