memories of being young- part two

When i grew up my father and i had a better relationship. I was married to a much older man and had four step-children who were not much younger than i was.This caused me many problems and the first year of my marriage was fraught, to say the least. Dad was always there to listen to my woes and gave me a lot of valuable advice, not always what i wanted to hear! I had my two sons and i felt closer to my dad at this time than i ever had done. He was the best grandfather you could ask for. When my sister's beautiful baby girl died we were all devastated and i'll never forget when dad came to my house to tell me what had happened. He looked terrible and couldn't stop crying. I hadn't often seen him cry and it affected me deeply. I don't think he was ever the same after that.


Dad has his first heart attack when my daughter, Emily, was only a few months old. My sister-in-law, Val ,and i both had new babies and we spent a lot of time at the hospital,feeding them in the toilets! I think our children thought it was normal for grandads to be in hospital and for us to be visiting day after day.We were so happy when he was allowed home. Our happiness was short-lived , for the first night at home he had a stroke and had to go back to hospital, where he remained for many months.He changed after his stroke; his brain was damaged,he had lost his speech and was paralised down one side.It took a long time and an enormous amount of hard work before he was allowed home. It was particularly difficult for my mother, at this time. She had lost the man she had been married to for all those years and in his place was a man-child who needed 24 hour care and who gave barely anything in return.

Of course he couldn't help it, he hadn't asked to be struck down at 47 yeas of age, and sometimes when you looked in his eyes you could see the bewilderment he felt at his predicament. He was very child-like and would have temper tantrums when he became frustrated at not being able to do something.He would often wave his walking stickabout in anger, and woe betides anyone in the way!But, he was also funny in a child-like way and would tell silly jokes that the small ganchildren found extremely funny. They accepted grandad as he was, after all they couldn't remember him any other way, and they loved him. I felt angry at what had happened to my dad and sad that, just as we were becoming closer, he was snatched away from me.

I moved with my family to the north-east and not long after mum and dad followed. They lived in a bungalow about a quarter of a mile away from me so my husband and i helped out as much as we could and, once again i felt close to my dad.They didn't stay long in the north as they missed their family and friends from their church in Sittingbourne and decided to go back.Dad had turned to religion soon after he had his stroke and the church and the people of St Mary's parish were a source of great comfort to both he and my mum. Dad loved to join in with the singing and especially enjoyed getting dressed up for carnivals or fetes. I have lovely photos of him, my children and my brother's children dressed as Irish pixies!

Dad died when he was 53. Although he had been ill for a long time it was a huge shock for us all.He was in hospital but we thought it was just his normal,checks on blood,drugs ect. I was devastated to receive a phone call from my sister in law to tell me he had died and so sad that I hadn't been able to see him before he died. It took me a long time to come to terms with his death and for a while i didn't deal with it at all, pushing it to the back of my mind. It was years before i actually grieved properly.


Today i often think of my dad. I wonder what he would think of all his grown-up grand-children, especially those he didn't get to see. I wonder how he would feel about having a great grand-daughter. I think he would be very proud of them all.Not many of them remember him very clearly and some not at all. My sister decided to write down her memories of dad to enable them to get to know him and asked me to do the same. It has been a pleasurable experience for me and brought back many happy memories. I hope it helps to fill the gaps for those who didn't know him.